Author: Johnnie Joy Blue
Photos by: Max Shaw
I distinctly remember the first and only time I asked a trans guy his dead name. There was an audible gasp and the dressing room of drag queens fell silent. “Lisa, you can never ask someone their dead name.” At the time, I didn’t know any better. I only knew a handful of trans people and none of them were close friends. I apologized profusely and the room moved on to another topic. I was embarrassed but also grateful to be educated. I’ve always considered myself lucky to be in proximity to queer communities – I learn a lot from hearing their experiences of the world, of people, of themselves. This important book was deeply meaningful to edit and I am appreciative of Johnnie as an author for being brave, self aware, for letting me in, and for helping me understand his journey. This book gave me a better understanding of the trans experience and a better understanding of myself. You can download the full book here.
Editor’s Note
I know what it’s like to hate my body. I have a lower back injury and a crooked spine. I don’t usually like how I look in pictures. Most of the time the physical sensation of my anatomy doesn’t feel good. I have chronic pain. And yet, there is a lot of privilege in this flesh prison of mine: my gender isn’t a reason for my discomfort. I’m cis.
It’s been hard to internalize and recognize my own physical limitations and it’s even harder to tell anyone else about them. Every time I disclose my pain to someone and am met with a diminishing “you’re too young to have back problems,” it makes me want to retreat. Keep myself to myself.
We exist in a society that prioritizes the ability to disconnect, from ourselves, from our biology, from each other. Self exploration is hard. And yet, the cost of not looking within is high. If we don’t know ourselves, we can’t truly accept ourselves, or anyone else.
Nobody knows me better than I do and I extend that logic to every single person on this planet. When people are brave enough to tell us about their experience of themselves I think we should listen.
Johnnie wrote this book for his community, but it’s an important resource for anybody who doesn’t understand trans people — how they even know they are trans, why they should receive access to life-saving gender affirming care, should be allowed to be themselves. The world will be a better place for your understanding.
